they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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