I want to make a zoo with you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
