He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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