Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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