I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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