Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
