Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she pinky promised me she was 18
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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