i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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