I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
