Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
