who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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