I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
