did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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