Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
