I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
