Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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