Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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