so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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