she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
