She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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