chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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