how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
