if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
