Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
