FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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