video games are the ultimate cock blocker
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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