i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
