she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
