Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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