I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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