Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
