forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Randomize
