can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
