I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
