Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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