Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
