sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
