He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
