Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
