omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i think my cat just said my name.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
