Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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