I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Alive.
So much puke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
