left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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