how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
