The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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