sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
