i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
