I can tuck mytits in my pants
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
