You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
