Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
