Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
