Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
