the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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