Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will be naked everywhere
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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